We will have to stop frequently for food, stretching legs, interesting things on the side of the road, and sex. So you might as well eat.
I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
bro i finally banged her last night on our basement couch
I'm at this frat party right now and yelled "my little 16 year old brother finally lost his virginity." They gave you a standing ovation
I actually kinda like her but everyone else hates her, so consider it a third party grudgefuck.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
of course we have a beer bong
how else would we feed our christmas tree
he told me to take care of him and then he asked me to walk him to his hotel. I already have a pussy. I don't need another one
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I'm actually kinda upset that we didn't consider velcro-ing detachable capes to our clothes before this moment.
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
is it fun? or sober?
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