Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
i really did not know you could catch crabs from a sofa until now
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
you flashed the cab driver so we didn't have to pay the fare and then you decided you were on a roll so you flashed the guy at the maccas drive through... safe to say your boob job was the best idea ever!!
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
You should make it a point to use vocabulary that is competition appropriate around him, like "champion" and "training" and "victory sex"
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
Who is Katie and why do we have her birthday cake?
White girls? They're everywhere. In packs. Drunk white girl packs.
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
I gave you keys to my house and drugs. This must mean we're in a relationship.
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
Randomize
