Crown is evil. It plays hide and seek with my morals
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
When the phrase "Wow your huge" came out of her mouth I knew it was gonna be a good night.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Anyways, he came over at 3:30 am and ate me out while I ate pizza on the counter
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Fuck these bullshit days. My underwear are still inside out.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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