Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
cant tell, his cock is acting like one of those inflatable arm waving things outside the market
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
