My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"
To a 70 year old lady?!
is there a legit reason for the weird voicemail I got at 2:14am?all I could make out was 'help me' 'two hours' and 'toilet butt'. wtf did u drink.
then he tried to tell me how many times he had seen Scott's dick. his estimate was about 180 times. he thought I didn't understand.
In all fairness I didnt see your dick because it was already in her
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I have tasted many bathrooms
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
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