I just spit my fake tooth out at a customer. I think he thought it was my bubble gum though so it's ok.
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
they just named my boobs. Lefty is "Guenevere" and Righty is "I claim this boob for America"
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
I'm at the bar, forgot my pants. Everyone's over reacting
He yelled "CARLI LLOYD" and then kicked the cake off the table. Soccer is making monsters out of us.
Why the HOLY HELL is my dog on my roof??? Sam?? Why is the dog wearing my pants
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
I would but he’s not speaking to me because I put ketchup in his socks.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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