Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
I feel like I took a shit on my life and you're rubbing my nose in it.
I told him I liked how shrimp feels in my mouth, but I don't actually like eating it. Turned out to be the most awkward way to say that I wanted to suck his dick.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Randomize
