I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
I fell asleep with all the lights and heat on in the apartment with windows open, Earth Hour is lost on people like me.
3 guesses about who had to still-drunkenly facilitate a fire drill at 2:40am because freshmen can't handle microwave popcorn.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
six ambien and a bong later...he was calling me blueberry princess who need rescuing from the evil oven, and he was sir Eatsalot.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
Randomize
