I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
Just walked in on the Yellow Ranger getting porked by a guy in a UD Blue Hen costume. Will somebody PLEASE think of the children.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
Odd question. Did you find a 20 in your boxers? I need it for gas.
sorry can't make it tonight, greg's getting back from italy. he's had two weeks of carbs and no gym; now's my chance to get myself a piece of that newly-fat, low self-esteemed ass.
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Hey is there a picture of me in a trash can on your phone?
Wow, im gonna be a great doctor..."hi let me save your life but first check out this pic of me deep throating a handle of grey goose"
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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