Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
can we get nightvision for the apartment?
Why am I in a dog kennel?
It was for your own safety
i hope not, i just know that at one point I was sitting on the bathroom floor eating bugles and crying because i had no one to show that it looked like I had witch nails when i stuck them on the ends of all ofmy fingers.
I dont think he was a real cab driver. I think he was just a creepy guy with a van.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I supernannyed him into submission
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
