If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
I wish life had little blips of pornography
went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
i just rememebered i spent like 5 minutes on the ground warming some chicks toes.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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