dude you need to get laid
me?
no, the other guy who hasn't been laid in 7 months
oh I thought you were talkin about me
wait
They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
UD be completely fine. you don't lose control just keep a positive environment. for example i really want to lick the wall cause red is delicious but i don't have to.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
They didn't have a "sorry I was late for your birthday party because I was getting arrested" card.
It's a good thing vaginas don't have taste buds
Do me a favor and scream dirty things at him in a polite sexy, come hither way
Unless it involves a lot of whiskey, an ACDC concert, and a guy named Juan from the Philippines, then I'm not interested.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
