Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
I'm not throwing down for dinner because I plan to have so much tequila I puke it up anyways. How much is a cab home?
you were wearing a pair of wings and handing out McDonalds apple pies, if anyone refers to you as the "Rave Fairy" you now know why.
THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
I tried to feed the cat bread. I told her it was the body of Christ. That seemed to work.
You don't have a cat...
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Randomize
