found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
Her vagina turned into a vuvuzela. I didn't know it was a possible to have a wet nightmare.
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
I just watched dragonflies fucking. You can't match that level of geek.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
I just found the gloves and lightbulb I stole. Did you pee on a ATM inside a bank?
All I'm saying is that any 24 year old guy who sends me a snapchat from the vantage point of his dick with the caption "hiding behind my weiner" is off my list potentially dateable guys.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
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