i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
the problem with having sex for lunch when its 98 degrees outside is that I can't tell if its sweat or semen running down my leg as I walk back in the office
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Correct me if I'm wrong, but did you let me pee in the grass while barking? And also, how many of you have videos?
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
He ate me out in the warehouse on a pallet of sunlight soap. I fucking love night shift!
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