Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
To justify your stumbling you just kept yelling 'it's the boat, not the drinks' We hadn't even left the dock yet....
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
We had fun with our Indiana Jones role-playing until I whipped myself in the dick with my belt.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
I told you, we're just gonna get ripped and light sparklers
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I don't know man, I woke up and shes here acting like she knows me, wearing my clothes, and scrambling eggs in my kitchen. I don't know her.
You were drinking with me last night, I warned you.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
I'm making a will, in it I'm leaving you my skull.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
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