i'm at sigma nu and gary is here. what do it do?
Stay away from his face.
so i go for his dick?
I'm thinking we should try to start remembering stuff we do. Althought I kinda like feeling like Nancy Drew the next morning.
More like the Hardy Boys cause its kinda like a team effort.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
I bought a Christmas tree in my drunken state last night, after walking a half mile in search of vino and prior to my apparently playing boardgames with my boyfriend's family. There is no way you are on my level.
He won't talk to me. He'll only communicate using scissors
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
She passed out on the kitchen table with two mickeys forties duct taped to her hands. Clearly she is going to fit perfectly in your house this semester
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
