...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
she thought Martin Luther king was a president at one time. I love knowing I broke up with my ex and this is what he ends up dating.
nutella sex= disaster
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
You're the only person I know who's experienced a micropenis and a magnum XL penis
Randomize
