Its like im going on a blind date, but ive already had sex with her
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
I guess I'll put a green shirt on. Also, I just snorted some protein shake power. That doesn't have anything to do with St. Patrick's Day. I just wanted you to know in case i die.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
don't trust your eyes. just sniff them. if they smell like axe, they are broke, move on to the next.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
On the upside I'm hairless from the waist down. On the downside, I just chemically burned my labia
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
