You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
this boner is exhausting
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
You kept showing the cop the bruises on the bottoms of your feet and claiming you were a medical mystery.
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
I just bought condoms and a potted plant, making for a top ten super weird and awkward purchase.
Randomize
