Just saw ur first draft of ur suicide note.
You spelled "worthless" wrong.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
after giving each other head, we had a really nice post-oral heart to heart. found out he lost his virginity in a threesome.
We have sex, then we talk about foreign policy. Its a win-win.
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
Imagine getting a FB inbox "hey I found your ID on the floor of a bar can you send me a mugshot so I can get a second piece of ID made?"
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I hate to stick you with the friend but I did all the work.
I don't think he understands that his kid doesn't bother me. I have a binder full of developmentally appropriate early childhood activities.
Either go for divorced men who are forty plus or stop doing this immediately. You are 23 years old. You need more wine and less baby fever
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
