I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
apparently, it's not a good idea to make jokes about sending newborns through airport security xrays. the moms dont see the humor.
But why'd she put it on the conveyor then?
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
Help. Me. He just whispered 'prepare yourself', & sprayed hairspray everywheres to make sure the 'air was crisp'
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You only have to pretend to care about soccer until July. HE'S PRETTY DONT RUIN THIS.
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Randomize
