I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
You were scared that your teeth were shrinking so you stuck your fist in your mouth. then you were convinced your hand was growing cuz it got stuck so yu started crying
We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
