I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
I think I've lost the thrill of being a slut. It's just that the newness has worn off, I think.
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
Did you ask me to bring you a t-shirt to class or did I just dream that?
No, I did. It's a long story.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
soo...what's the appropriate way to ask to come over and take your S&M lingerie out of your ex's apartment? big weekend planned, kinda need it.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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