Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
So one buddy got tackled at the urinals by national guard members and was arrested. Another had sex in a port o potty with possibly the drunkest girl I've ever encountered. The rest of us blacked out and won a few bets. So yes, the derby did meet our expectations.
we talked for like an hour, i feel like we really bonded. i mean i was simultaneously giving him head but you get the point.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
Can I just say how funny it is that your "respect" tattoo is right above the bruise from me slapping your ass
Currently looking up Winnie-the-Pooh porn.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
Randomize
