he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
It was fun until I shot a pea out of my nose while throwing up. Left over tuna casarole at 3Am was a terrible choice.
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
He keeps asking me for girl advice, i told him im an expert at getting drunk, not girls
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
So are you actually going to come fuck me in the ass this weekend, or was that just you being drunk in a kilt?
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
She was drunk at Red Robin. She asked for more fries and then shoved them in her purse while saying "Come on bitches, you're coming with me" to them.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
