I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I had to go to the front counter of the restaurant and ask for the key because I was "pretty sure my friend is passed out in the bathroom right now"
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
This is how baked we were last night. Our drinking game: We stare at each other; first one to laugh drinks.
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
Tequilla is a sneaky bitch ninja that doesn't kick in until you least expect it. Then BAM! You're peeing in unconventional places.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
