Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
The make-up sex just reminded me why we broke up in the first place.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
please explain to me why there is a shopping cart in my living room.
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Fucked a kid by the name of your hometown tonight... FOR THE WIN.. BF4L
I just had sex on a roof
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
his mom walked in while he was eating me out. and my vag was facing the door. luckily his face was in it.
Randomize
