We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
Think I just subconsciously wanted a cigarette and started sleep walking to Carl's.. Didn't realize what I was doing until I found myself in an elevator.
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
You wear a dinosaur suit one time and everyone thinks you're a furry. Fucking hell, man.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
