You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
It took me four clicks to get to 2009 on his profile. This can't work.
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Houston, we have a blender
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Don't ever give your dog some hamburger at midnight. Its impossible to enjoy a late night burger when your dog just threw it up all over your carpet. Gremlin rules work with dogs.
I just threw up again because I opened my eyes... God is laughing. I resorted to taking the Mexican Dramamine because I feel seasick from walking. Not helping.
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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