do herpes really smell.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Made it home ok. Only got hit by one car.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
cheese fries, coffee, with a side of dry heaving in the bathroom at the diner on campus at 5am. never felt better.
we went from five shot glasses to three in one night. we lost 'badass' and gumbi, but the ninja turtle survived. courtney says to avoid any more casualties we're not allowed to use shot glasses past 1am. and we're not allowed to throw them
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Goddamnit, guys. I got lube all over my kindle.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
"fuck it, let's do moonshine" shouldn't be in ANYONE'S vocabulary.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Randomize
