Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
We had sex on the first date...do you think he thinks I'm a whore?
Yes and so do I
the next time i see a chick with leggings under her jean skirt...i'm gona beat her ass with a fashion magazine...
I need to stop coming to work sober
once you have herpes you dont really care what goes in your mouth anymore.
Decided to go explore a half built apartment complex at 4 a.m and leave a 3 block obstacle course in the alley ways on the way home.
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I was masturbating in my bed this morning when my ipod alarm went off and it started playing "show me the meaning of being lonely"
is it sad that i can honestly say it was the best birthday sex i've ever had and it was still terrible?
Guess who is playing his new drum set when his roommate gets home to teach her a lesson about binge drinking to the point of being taken to the emergency room?
you know that feeling on acid where you think the world stops just to fuck with you? That's what it felt like.
In reference to the club we were headed to our cab driver told us about the time he had sex with a woman on the dance floor there. And what do you know, they're celebrating their 22 marriage anniversary together this year! True love does exist!
I am available for nakedness
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
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