Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
She kept screaming "yeah! You pick up my books!" the whole time. . .
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
My boss just sent an employee on an hour long paid break to pick up weed for our 'staff meeting' tomorrow morning.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
Randomize
