So are we goin out tonight?
Dude, we woke up in your car in some parking lot last night...
And that was fun, wasn't it?
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
A homeless man walked up to me at the bar, pointed, and told me to get my shit together. Jesus?
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
If you invite me to a bar tonight my liver will kick you in the testicles
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
