ready 4 sex 2nite?
wow. woo me matt, woo me.
i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
there are teeth marks in the soap. why are there teeth marks in the soap.
OK! No more randoms over for the next month this is the third fucking time I caught a naked dude drinking my OJ in the middle of the night.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Want to help me interview candidates to replace my Cub/Boy Toy when he leaves for grad school next month?
Randomize
