used his ipod to set the mood...1st song was livin on a prayr 2nd song was disco stick
i expected more from guys that i meet at the jersey shore.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Dude, they're still mid-coitus. Pretty sure running in to high five my roommate mid-thrust is a mood-breaker.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
Randomize
