Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
The worst part was when my mom got more drunk than anyone else and started doing the Time Warp.
I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
I let him stay at my place since i had to work early and when i got home there was a fruit snack wrapper in my bed. I dont have any fruit snacks. Which means he brought his own fruit snacks to the fuck session.
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
Im getting out of handcuffs then i'll give you a call
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
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