I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
So a list of things I should stay away from bringing up at dinner with your fiance tonight?
1) you and I went to a strip club 2) i saw you topless at said strip club 3) i cried when we watched the Real World
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
i just got banned from the m&m's website for trying to get poon slayer written on my custom order
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.
Yea, but did you really have to throw a sandwich at him??
I JUST NEEDED TO TELL YOU I JUST FUCKED TWO BOYS IN THE SPAN OF LIKE THREE HOURS AND ONE OF THEM WAS MY SISTERS PROM DATE FROM HIGH SCHOOL IM LOWKEY BOTH PROUD AND ASHAMED
There's a point in life when you've got to take dick like a big girl.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
