Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
so how much must it suck for him to know that the penis of his best man has been in his wife's mouth before?
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Thanks for the Beyonce article. In other news, I just passed a man with the state of Florida tattooed on his face.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Spent the majority of my senior year drunk. Graduate of 2011, I think 2011. Probably.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
