The paper boy just woke me up in the front yard again.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
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