I think my fart just growled at me.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
I totally OverDed on K2 last night. I felt like I was made of lead and then I had a panic attack.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
If you got me high enough to laugh at a ceiling fan until I shat my pants you should at least have the decency to buy me another pair
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
We laughed, we cried, we fucked, we shirked our familial and work related responsibilities. They could make a movie about the last 40 hours of our lives.
I didn’t want to see that boob. I told her not to show me but she said “no, I’m going to show you”
Randomize
