You discussed the Arab/Israeli conflict with the guy behind the counter at the Kebab shop telling him you supported his people. He was clearly Asian.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
it felt like a thousand fairies were licking my balls.
your goal of the night was to unlock your iPhone with your nipple. You're going places.
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
Never thought going to McDonald's alone at 3 AM would end with a blowjob outside some random girl's apartment...
i need to un-sleep with a few of those brothers before we ever go back to that house again. i'm serious. i will not be a fraternity groupie.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
Randomize
