I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Worst part was I had to fart super bad and didn't want to ruin the room so I farted in a pillow and threw it under the bed.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
It's nice to sit in the library and see the progression from freshman pledge to 6th year coke addict all at one table. Gotta love sororities
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
You don't understand. This could be the last time I shave a star into my vag. Get over here.
looked it up online and zoo tickets are only 20 bucks and there's also a museum of science close to the hotel.
i'm not going to a FUCKING museum. i want to be wasted and possibly double penetrated... have you EVER been on vacation?
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
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