Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
He saved me in his phone as Easy Jen. Should I be offended?
I wouldn't worry about it. He has me as "Sex Puppet."
I'm constantly one strobe light away from an E flashback
You tried to pay the bartender in graduation checks, I think you'll be fine in the real world.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He carried you out but the best part is you kept saying "can't I keep dancing" as you were gushing blood
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I woke up this morning with my hand on his dick. That sneaky bastard.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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