Is masturbating to pics of your ex on Facebook considered cheating?
You are proof that most things are best left unsaid.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
He's my palate cleanser. He's my mint sorbet. He's my saltine cracker. He's who I fuck between people to make the next one better.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
I whispered "you're doing a great Job" when he was fucking me. Then high fived him.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
me + whiskey = a bad person
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
I need to stop getting so drunk at bowling
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
Randomize
