I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I wish sober me loved running as much as drunk me...
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You seemed more interested in the queso dip than you were in the hand job
I feel like I just rode a horse, did a million jumping jacks, ran a marathon and need a carton on cigarettes. best sex hands down... EVER
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
I like to think of you as more a magic eight ball of my life's journey?
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
You know I base where I go on the likelihood of me getting laid there. This includes work.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
