I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
This reminds me of the time I was given a lap dance by a David Bowie drag king...
Hun your dick isn't big enough for you to be that lame and predictable
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I'm writing to thank you for your never ending commitment to my orgasms and also to apologize if any physical harm was done due to your impressive efforts. Hopefully the sex and post sex pizza made up for it.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
