dude she was so drunk she thought Jim Joyce made the right call
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
also, I heard you can donate your eggs for like $8gs....hellloooo mediterranean vacation. thank youuuu future babies!!!
Pretty sure I humiliated the fuck out of myself last night after I was dared to attempt to give myself head. I hate vodka
Of course not. I'd be offended if you didn't bring my boobs into casual conversation.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
he keeps various drugs in his kitchen cupboard like groceries. that is my new life goal as an adult.
Knowing how to carefully mix my vices has to be the #1 skill I've gotten from pharmacy school
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
