Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
By the way, her vagina was so tight i was worried that i would be stuck forever
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
he tried to catch his projectile vomit...then went back to beer pong
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
How do I respond to this?! It's not easy to say "you're hot & the sex was good, but outside the bedroom you scare me"
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Guess who cheated on their SATs? Also on the same line guess who's getting in to Princeton at damn near free of charge?
Randomize
