I just pynch a tree in the face
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
Apparantly 7 1/2 Vicodin is a 1/2 too many.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
There are reggae songs being written about me...where have I gone wrong in life?
My tits, and hanging out behind a hotel eating pizza.
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Today's psa: there are certain parts of your body you shouldn't scratch while wearing fake nails.
you just tore your cootch a new one, didn't you?
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