She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
I can't wait until weight watchers comes out with a beer
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
It wasn't as awesome as they lead everyone to believe. No stripper. Ran out of booze. The chipmunk. He was real.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
