we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
he started fingering my stomach rolls instead of my vag... am i really that fat?
I replied to the university automated mass text about the armed robbery at the on-campus Starbucks with a sad face. Basically sums up my night.
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I just asked the dr if it was herpes while wearing my shirt from the strip club...
I told you to stay away from the strippers in Oklahoma
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Im thinking about quitting weed for my dog
I created a new solo drinking game. You need a handle, a laptop, and a shitty internet connection. Start watching the fort video in the que, play the snake while the videos constantly load, and take a drink everytime you fuck up. There was a video of a an asain female Justin beiber impersonator full screen when I woke up.
drunk grocery shopping was not as bad of an idea as i thought, this salmon cat food tastes a lot like tuna
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
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