She's just bitter because she lost all the weight only to discover she doesn't have a pretty face after all.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
In this town being related to a brewing family or the owner of a sports team is like being royalty. It's like hooking up with the queen's nephew or something.
I'm wearing fairy wings and I broke my wizard staff. If this isn't the most happy but sad moment of my life , I don't know what is.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
I woke up with leftover chocolate syrup on my nipples. WTF happened last night??
ever feel bored AND lazy?
I call it "awake" but yeah...
Randomize
