I have said "that's the wrong hole" for the last time.
I just saw a girl walking home wearing a tshirt, boxers, and cowboy boots. Thanks for having the decency to drive me to my car.
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
You are a special snowflake. A special snowflake I wouldn't mind rough sex with
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
You didn't try to help me when I fell on the dance floor. She brought me cupcakes. You're a shitty friend, suck your own dick.
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
I'm in your room because it's a safe space. Is it ok to pee in here?
Do me a favor and don't mention him I feel like Regina George and I just want to scream I made him
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I feel like I have the I just lost my virginity face and everyone at the grocery store knows it.
Randomize
