I just realized i haven't had sex in 2009. oh man thats embarrassing.
it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
We got the idea to smoke under his bed because, and I quote, "it'd be just like going camping"
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
Jenn from HR called him the new office boy toy. I think I need to bathe in bleach.
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
Randomize
