20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
When I came out of the bathroom you were naked dead asleep on the couch but your dick was still rock hard standing straight up. I almost took a pic. It was impressive.
He said that we couldn't refer to each other as brother and sister anymore cuz we were in no way related and he would love nothing more than to get naked with me.
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Randomize
